PERSONAL ESSAY
I Wrote a Book That Actually Wrote Me {Updated}
Welcome to my world
The title for this story may sound strange to many but that is exactly what happened. The book wrote me, it used me to produce itself and now I sit feeling used, not abused, but definitely used with a hint of good sully.
I want to tell you about this piece of work (tongue-in-cheek). Few get my sense of humour that I why I am not a comedian.
The vocabulary may feel be strange to those not familiar with my work so I am telling you right now that substitution is allowed.
You can replace the words Source, Divine Forces, Universal Energy, Source Energy with God or whatever superpower you believe in, if any.
If you believe in no one but yourself, then use the first person singular. It is all good.
You can go ahead by exchanging the words, divine intervention, spirit guides, intuition, with luck, chance or happenstance. I will not be upset with you, promise. So let us begin.
Firstly, I knew I had to write this piece and was waiting on divine inspiration which I suspected would come like 3 in the morning but my guides were generous with me, they knew I had a week that took a lot of creative energy out of me — I was writing and sharing on average, three stories or poems a day, so instead of nudging me awake at 3am, they woke me at 5. How generous!
So here I sit, on my yoga mat, laptop where it should be — on the lap, and writing my how or why did I wrote this book story.
I did not intend to write a book
I had no intention of writing a blog nor sharing stories on Medium or anything of the sort; my writing days were long over since high school where I reigned supreme in my creative writing classes. I wrote good stories.
I wanted to paint or as I describe it, script in acrylics — for just as I was not a writer, I was not a painter.
I used to be one of those persons who considered herself talentless, I could neither sing, dance, nor play a musical instrument and I went through life believing that to be so. When asked what was I good at, I would respond listening and talking, that was my superpower.
I knew that I would have died, literally, if I stayed
It was somewhere around my mid forties or so when things in my life took a dumpster dive. I had left my marriage a few years before, taking with me as I like to say, an ironing board and a fan. I had my then eleven-year-old daughter and deciding that I had enough of being married, I exited. The marriage was not doing for me what I wanted it to and I knew that I would have died, literally, if I stayed.
Soon after, I got involved with an old university friend of mine who had moved to my island for work. That went well for a couple years until it started not going well, it was not me, it was him. Me, innocent me, what could I have done to cause the relationship to deteriorate? I took no blame.
He exited my life and I was devastated
Around the same time this happened, I had interviewed for a job in a organization that I knew I wanted to work in since age 14. A man came on the radio talking about food and food security and I just felt a connection. This was my calling. I always was involved in gardening and looking after animals — the things that we did to survive. It was either plant food, rear animals, work in sugar cane or work in someone else’s house. I come from a poor country, they call us third world.
I have written about myself in many of my stories, so if ever you are curious to know more, just take a deep dive into my profile or visit my website which speaks a little more about me. I have near 850 pieces on this platform so it a lot to dig into.
Anyway, I want to keep this story under ten minute read, which is far more than my normal three minutes or less stories but I felt that in getting to know me a little more, you would understand the story behind my book.
my work can be found on the Book, the Twit and the Gram
Yes, so I wanted to paint and I started during my darkest moment. No, I did not get the job — something that I desired and worked towards, career-wise, for over 30 years.
I studied the relevant subjects, obtaining the relevant university degrees that were to support this goal of mine. And I did not get the job. I did not even console myself into believing that there would be other chances, it just felt final. Finished. Done. Kaput.
I took up a paint brush and paper and started to draw lines and circles. I wrote about drawing lines and circles somewhere. And my reawakening began.
By the time I over 100 pieces, I had to do something with them. By then more than a year had passed as I went through the process of the crying and healing and crying. I came out feeling like a new person. Using Christian vernacular, I felt born again.
So with these pieces and my urge to share, I found a site for them. My life continued to evolve and expand and ideas I held for a long time about community and service started coming together.
I started a community garden and decided to offer a free breakfast once per month that I hope will eventually move to once per week and then daily. Hey, the sky has always been my limit. The breakfast was to serve the elderly and persons in need in my community.
the sky has always been my limit
My paintings and photographs of interesting things found on my island are housed in Esoteric Gardens. Persons can purchase prints on whatever they fancy. I love the totes and have even bought a few for myself. Time and time again, I look at these pieces of artwork and knew that I. Trudie did not paint them.
As I say, it is all about continued growth and expansion; if we are today who we were yesterday, then we need to do something about that.
One morning, I just felt the urge to write a poem. I asked my Guides, “so what is this about now?” They laughed and responded, another you.
Since then I have been writing and sharing my poetry on this site, my personal blogspace on my website and other social media platforms — the book, the twit and the gram.
Finally, about this book!
I have written often about my methodology for writing — I write a led. I meditate before I begin and whatever message comes out, that is what I write about and so I have continued to this day.
When I had near three hundred stories, I complied the better ones, added some never before published pieces and sent them to an editor, (I wrote about that as well). She accepted me as a client and the rest is now.
My friends, I present you with my book of tiny stories. It chronicles an awakening of the soul process that many persons have experienced but often do not talk about.
What happens is so amazing and sometimes feels so unreal that you question your sanity. Me, I am as sane as sanity even though as recent as yesterday someone called me crazy.
We were having a conversation and he became happy; I saw it on his face and smile and body language and I guessed that since he has not felt this way in a long time, he chalked it up to this crazy woman making him laugh and feel good. If that is his definition of crazy than call me crazy any day.
The cover art on this book is one I painted
It aptly fits the title of the book; It was commissioned by a friend of mine after she had gone into non-physical.
My second set of short stories are back from the editor and my laptop holds four more folders — completed works for book three, four, five and six.
Future books, after the second, will contain a lot of my poems, making them a mix of tiny prose and short poetry.
I hope that you take the opportunity to pick up a copy of my book, anywhere that good books are sold.
Additional links can be found on my website.
Welcome to my world and thank you for reading,
Ilis Trudie Palmer
One Love
